The Ninja Reader

WARNING: The following review contains profanity and spoilers. Thou hath been warned. What the FUCK did I just read? No, wait, I do know what I just read. It's called wish fulfilment fantasy, and there is a huge heap of it right here. I never thought that Halo and Hades would share the one-star shelf this year, but apparently, I was wrong. Let's start with the good stuff. There is a plot. Now that this is out of the way...*someone interrupts, whispers* What? What do you mean I should give a summary? It's right... oh, nevermind.So, six months after Dice lost her virginity to Sin, her ghost-turned-golem-tuned-lover, and his subsequent disappearance, life is moving on. Dice has entered a band and is starting to have something with Tosh, the disposable love interest. But all is not well, as Crane, Marsh's boyfriend, disappears mysteriously. Mysteriously because the dude had decided to pop the question (No, not "Honey, are you okay with my Hugh Jackman man crush?", the OTHER question), and there is simply no way that a guy fresh out of high school would get cold feet over THAT. Anyway, Dice and gang decide that this is Sin's doing, and so she and Tosh get chummy one night in order to bring him back. Which... they do. No need to bake clay this time, I see. Or choose big enough seeds for his... ah... defining features. Unfortunately, Sin was not responsible for Crane's disappearance, and he's also not very happy to find Dice moving on with her life. After some misadventures, they are led to Antonia, a contemporary of Sin, who died in a fire some six months before him. Sin claims that he did not sleep with her (even though in the previous book he was rather proud of his satirical past), because she was apparently a 'numbskull' who didn't talk too much. Well, after some frolicking around in an alternate dimension, they come across Antonia, now a ghost, who tells them via a letter that she wants Sin to fulfill his promise to make her his bride, and that she would return Crane as soon as they 'depart to yonder bridal bed'. Sin, of course, claims that nothing of this is true, but what can you do, they have to get Crane back, so in all of his wisdom he brings Antonia to the world of the living, where she, now capable of speech, proceeds to drive everyone nuts.I gave a pretty long summary there, but I needed to, since there are essential problems with the plot which are, obviously, not described in the Goodreads page. The most glaring one of them being the leaps of logic and plotholes. Hope you have your butt-cushions and safety helmets on, guys, cause this is one bumpy ride.Continuing from there, we have the plot, which as Kira commented already, looks like it was copied straight out of New Moon. Luckily, Dice has a touch more friends than Bella, because Tosh needs to be disposed of in a gentle matter. Unluckily, though, female relationships in this book aren't all that better than those in Twilight.I told you guys about Antonia, who at the time of her life was mentally impaired, or mute, or maybe both, I really didn't pay attention (sorry, but that's how it is with plotholes - don't think too hard and they won't break your brain). At any rate, she is on the receiving end of Sin's mockery/pity, as he seems to think that by insulting her as much as possible he would appear like some sort of noble knight. Dice seems more inclined to give Antonia the benefit for the doubt (rightfully), until Antonia steps in to steal her man, and that turns Dice into a total bitch. This is the main problem I have with this book, the "Women are evil" message it seems to broadcast, front and centre. It's always women who do the evil - first it's Antonia, and then it's her maid, slutty Mae Molly, who not only devirginized Sin but also triggers a resolution so stupid I can't even discuss it. Even Dice, who I admit is a pretty gutsy heroine, is made to feel guilty for kissing Tosh, and has to walk on eggshells all the time lest Sin throws a hissy fit.What's even more sickening is how willing Dice is to make excuses for Sin, to accept him as some kind of martyr(and doesn't he wax eloquent on that one). In fact, here's a direct quote from the book: I want to tell him that he's being unfair, but if roles were reversed, could I honestly say my reaction wouldn't be the same? True, I forgave him many offences - including deflowering my cousin. But I hadn't witnessed them in flagrante delicto, plus she was merely a means to an end, and he was a different person back then... if 'person' isn't exactly the right word.Just to clarify: Sin is giving her hell for kissing another guy. Sin, who six months prior fucked his way through Swoon. I mean, of course, why wouldn't she forgive him? It's not like he meant to mind-rape Pen, then show up one day to take her virginity, and then never look at her again, turn her into a nympho and destroy her life. He was different.What Dice is trying to say is: "It's fine as long as he didn't do it to me. And he didn't do it for me because he luurves me, and because I am the one who changed his life."Wish fulfilment indeed. Here's a tip for you, Dice, in order for you to forgive someone, they have to be sorry first. And Sin isn't sorry, for any of the shit he caused. Just for that I wanted to punch something.Continuing from the last book, we also get quite a few mentions of casual drug abuse that are never addressed. Yeah, cause who needs that? Kids get plenty of it at school, and Ruby is more than enough of a cautionary tale. Too bad none of the characters in Swear seem to have learned from her. Just great.What else should I say? Should I really go back and examine each plothole, one by one, like some sort of literary archeologist? No, thanks. For a long time I wondered if this book deserved the one star treatment, since unlike Hades, it doesn't bash gay people and non-white people, but you know what, there is a difference between having a gay character and putting one there for shits and giggles. Now, friends, strap me into my unicorn-cupcake straight-jacket and hand me in some rehab reads, because I'm done. Done. DONE.Note: I got a copy of this book via Simon and Schuster's Galley Grab program.